I often think.

Living with DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) : A Survivors perspective. Living with DID is sometimes, in fact most of the time, not easy. I had a formulation of DID late in life, in fact two years ago; I am 60. I have been in therapy in one form or another for 25 years or more. I have no head count or names to my ‘alters’ but I know they exist. My therapist and my wife have both noticed them as have I over the years. I and we have an ‘adult’ operating side but a child running alongside me shouting “Look at me!”  Another child runs on the opposite side shouting “Don’t let them hurt me again!” as I try to operate in the adult world. I live in an almost permanent state of dysthymia. I rarely smile as smiles can be ‘taken away’.  Someone will ask “What you are smiling for?” which I take as a criticism and an attack; so I stop smiling. I describe myself as agelastic. I tell someone or something to “Fuck off” at regular intervals throughout my day; this happens for ...