I often think.

Having just been to God's Waiting Room, aka Eastbourne, recently to visit my partner's elderly Aunt I overheard the following conversation in a Poundshop: 'Oooh Eddie have a feel of these' the elderly Gent gingerly squeezes the innersole through the aptly titled 'Squeeze Me' cutout hole in the shelf hanger... 'aren't they soft? Eddie squeezes the said innersoles with finger an thumb 'Oooh they are soft....only a pound too, they are soft!...." Eddie turns to around "Ted have a feel of these....' Ted comes over and pinches innersoles with finger and thumb, 'Oh they're soft, feel really comfortable....' 'Gladys, Glad come 'ere, feel these....they're really soft ain't they?' Glad comes over and pinches the innersoles between thumb and finger, 'Aww err, they're soft....lovely in yer shoes.....' Glad ponders, then calls out 'Else, come and have a feel of these...'  Else comes

This column has been superseded by the 'Weekender' column/feature. In effect the same pretentious twattery exhibited by the Shoreditch set for your delectation and delight. In other words another puke inducing accumulation of smug pretensions by the moneyed privileged idiots that often read The Guardian. This week it is a Fashion Journo with silly glasses who lives in a maple forest in Canada. She makes pizza for the children, looks at the lake, watches bald Eagles and enjoys a Martini and knitting. How local to the UK. How relevant to their readership. Anyway here is the original piece: Have any of you read the 'What you like' column in The Guardian? If you have, you know it's just the middle classes being pretentious twats about things they have bought or services they use. If you haven't read it then it is essentially middle class twats foisting their John Lewis world and mentality upon a readership of cosy middle classes.  I loathe it. I am amongst

Phone rings. MrsD looks at the name identifier and picks up the 'phone, 'Hello Mum' 'How did you know it was me?' 'It says so on the 'phone. Remember?' 'Oh that's clever, wish ours did that....' 'It does.....' 'Never mind that.....I've got my carer now!' 'That's good.....What are they like?' 'Oh, he's lovely, looks a bit like that detective off the telly...' 'What detective off the telly? The Midsomer Murders bloke?' 'No, the bald one....you know him..... the bald one....' 'Don't know any bald detectives....' MrsD says, not thinking the reference might be years old, 'The bald one with the lollipop....Kodiak.... Kodiak, you know him.... with the lollipop.Greek man, Kodiak' 'Kodiak? You mean Kojak...?' MrsD says, The 'phone is put down but still online and MrsD can hear Mum shout, 'Alf, what's the name of the bald