I often think.

The Lady Aquarian: A jumper knitted by a parent or relative blights your weekend attire and wardrobe. Day time TV greatly influences your sex life ; however work colleague buys you a subscription to Lady magazine. Increasingly your left hand will not know what the right hand is doing. New shoes might be the answer to your mumbled prayers on Wednesday .  For the Aquarian worker a tidy income can be gained by using your expenses claim wisely. A curry with your Scrabble team ends in arrest for one or more of the team.  Your Findus frozen TV Dinner meal collection will bring big rewards on e-bay soon! Look sharp! A friend of the family hints that you are a fool at at a Silver Wedding celebration.  Genital warts could blight your Blitz spirit! A dog will look at you sideways soon ; ignore this and move on with your life . The electronic music of Adele lifts your spirits on Tuesda ys as it is a bootleg copy. Taffeta is your fabric of choice this E...

This was written sometime in 1990 or 91 when I was working as an Electrician’s Mate at St James’ Palace and Buckingham Palace. I was working with a trained electrician called Brian Wombell (he had heard all jokes!). He and I were working in the void above the ceiling in one of the main reception rooms in Buckingham Palace; It was a domed ceiling and had a walkway known as ‘London Bridge’ for access across the dome, this was built when the Palace was built thousands of years ago. We were installing a cable known as a Pyro, a copper encased wire that withstood fire, hence the name. This had to be screwed to the ‘bridge’ and was part of the fire alarm and lighting system. The domed ceiling was inches beneath our feet, we were warned not to drop anything or let any body parts stray off the bridge…..   “Does God wear trainers? Only, I have to ask Up there can you see? At the feet of the Blessed Mary A HiTec or Reebok trainer Protruding, as though in 3D.” The Que...