Skip to main content

Hypo or Hyper? Another 'phone conversation with the mother in law


  Ring, ring, ring (crescendo, crescendo, crescendo)

'Hello Mum....'
'How do you know it's me?'
'Says on the phone.... '  (this is every time, see the post below: Mother In Law's Phone)
'Oh ours doesn't do that! Alf always rings 1471'  
'I phoned to find out something. What is that you've got? I've tried to tell my friend at Bingo.....'
'Hyperthyroidism......I'm hyperthyroid...'
'What's that?'
'When your thyroid overworks...'
'Like mine?'
'No, you have hypothyroid, it's under working....'
'Under what?'
'Yours is hypo, under. Mine is hyper, over. As in hypermarket and hypodermic. Over and under. A hypodermic needle goes under the skin, a hypermarket is a big supermarket....'
'Don't know what you mean, what's a market and a hippydermic thing that you said? Over what?'
'It's working overtime..My thyroid is working overtime.'
'Oh, I don't understand all this. My thyroid is working.'
'You said that were putting on weight, that is hypothyroid. Under working.'
'HypeER?'
'No, hyPO. Under working. I have hyperthyroid.'
'What is under then?'
'Hypo, under. Like you have.'
'Oh, I don't understand all this over and under stuff. Hypodermic is a needle, not a disease anyway.'

So that's cleared that up then.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Protein Man of Oxford Street- Stanley Owen Green.

I wrote this Obituary piece for The Guardian about Stanley Green while I was an undergraduate at Goldsmiths' College.  I contacted The Guardian and asked them if I could submit it for publication. It was sent off to them and I waited in eager anticipation for their reply. It was published on Wednesday January 26th 1994,   the Editor  made no changes or additions except by adding some photographs (the photographs used here are later additions by me): "A Consuming Passion.... Stanley Owen Green who has died aged aged 78, was that tall thin man with steel-rimmed glasses who marched it seemed for an eternity up and down London's Oxford Street. It was his banner that made him famous, held high above his head and proclaiming "LESS LUST FROM PROTEIN" in large white letters. Underneath the banner he endured the taunts of sticky schoolchildren and the spittle of office workers alike, to bring his unique, indeed puzzling message to the people of London. He later wate...
3 comments
Read more

The Great Barnsley Invasion

The Quest for Pluvium                   A fter 2.7 billion galactic years of warring with each other over vital minerals and the depleting supply of Pluvium in the unknown universe, the Venusians and Martians decided that they would join forces and invade a distant black hole called Cambria. Pluvium powered and defined all the civilisation of both the planets, without it both planets would die as their life support systems failed. One grain of Pluvium was as precious as a Venusian princess or prince. Martian prince’s and princesses were a different matter, they were worth a mine of Pluvium. No one knows why this difference persisted. Perhaps it was because Martian Prince's and Princesses had multiple breeding orifices unlike regular Martians who had to apply to the government to breed and install an orifice. The spoils of this grand invasion would be shared equally between the two planets. They hoped that the other would stick to this com...
1 comment
Read more

Childhood

I don't remember any of the good times,  They were few and far between, Only the bad times, The three week sulks, The temper tantrums,  The silence of meal times, The brooding menace of each waking day, The not knowing how each innocent word, Would fall on those temper attuned ears, The rare smile, The rare laughter. Above all,  The silence.
Post a Comment
Read more