Hypo or Hyper? Another 'phone conversation with the mother in law

Ring, ring, ring (crescendo, crescendo, crescendo)

'Hello Mum....'

'How do you know it's me?'

'Says on the phone.... ' (this is every time, see the post below: Mother In Law's Phone)

'Oh ours doesn't do that! Alf always rings 1471'

'I phoned to find out something. What is that you've got? I've tried to tell my friend at Bingo.....'

'Hyperthyroidism......I'm hyperthyroid...'

'What's that?'

'When your thyroid overworks...'

'Like mine?'

'No, you have hypothyroid, it's under working....'

'Under what?'

'Yours is hypo, under. Mine is hyper, over. As in hypermarket and hypodermic. Over and under. A hypodermic needle goes under the skin, a hypermarket is a big supermarket....'

'Don't know what you mean, what's a market and a hippydermic thing that you said? Over what?'

'It's working overtime..My thyroid is working overtime.'

'Oh, I don't understand all this. My thyroid is working.'

'You said that were putting on weight, that is hypothyroid. Under working.'

'HypeER?'

'No, hyPO. Under working. I have hyperthyroid.'

'What is under then?'

'Hypo, under. Like you have.'

'Oh, I don't understand all this over and under stuff. Hypodermic is a needle, not a disease anyway.'

So that's cleared that up then.

Comments

The Protein Man of Oxford Street- Stanley Owen Green.

I wrote this Obituary piece for The Guardian about Stanley Green while I was an undergraduate at Goldsmiths' College. I contacted The Guardian and asked them if I could submit it for publication. It was sent off to them and I waited in eager anticipation for their reply. It was published on Wednesday January 26th 1994, the Editor made no changes or additions except by adding some photographs (the photographs used here are later additions by me): "A Consuming Passion.... Stanley Owen Green who has died aged aged 78, was that tall thin man with steel-rimmed glasses who marched it seemed for an eternity up and down London's Oxford Street. It was his banner that made him famous, held high above his head and proclaiming "LESS LUST FROM PROTEIN" in large white letters. Underneath the banner he endured the taunts of sticky schoolchildren and the spittle of office workers alike, to bring his unique, indeed puzzling message to the people of London. He later wate...

The telephone, the typewriter and the confused.

My life seems to be littered with conversations such as the one told below. If you look on my blog you’ll see ‘Hypo or Hyper’ and ‘The Blackbird in the Garden’ and the triumph that was ‘The Telephone’. All are based on the other person’s misunderstanding of a content of my life, or their life. I sometimes, in fact often, continue conversations purely for the humour that results from them. # Ooooowh, what’s that noise? It’s just my phone. #Sounds like an old typewriter Yep, it is. It’s for my texts. #That must take a long time. What? #Typewriting texts. It doesn’t type them, it’s only a notification. #Mine is a ping, like a microwave. Mine was too. I changed it so I would know I have a text. #But you must have to wait a while for it to be typed. No, it’s just a notification noise. I downloaded it. #How does it send texts then if it uses a typewriter. It doesn’t use a typewriter, it’s only the notification sound. #Mine just pings and the message ...

The Music Teacher

I recollect aged about 10 having an argument, a strong disagreement, with the music teacher at my Primary School. Iin fact it was one of many that I had with her. I don’t why but she just irritated the young David; she was not a soft teacher, she had no hesitation in throwing you out of the room. Possibly that was it, there was physical retribution taken, she was one of the few teachers that didn’t mete out the ruler or cane. I had to test her. Of course I did, it was natural for me to do so. Anyway it started out with her plonking away on the piano as she always did at the start of a ‘lesson’; lesson being a loose term for her didactic approach to teaching, we had to enjoy music, we had no choice. I did in fact love music, I still do.I just found her approach less than welcoming. As she plonked away on the piano for a few minutes we took our places on the floor. She then dramatically stood up in the way teachers with an artistic bent do a...

I often think.

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