Skip to main content

Leo: Your horoscope for the coming months.


The Leo Gentleman: 
A jumper knitted by a parent or relative blights your weekend attire and wardrobe. Day time TV influences your sex life. A work colleague buys you a subscription to a man’s magazine. Increasingly your left hand will not know what the right hand is doing. Your right hand becomes tired very quickly: This might be due to stress or the subscription. 
New shoes might be the answer to your mumbled prayers. 
If you are on benefits, a new calculation by the DWP will set you back and possibly result in Court action. 
For the Leo worker a tidy income can be gained by using your expenses claim wisely. A curry with your Scrabble team ends in arrest for one or more of the team.  Your Findus frozen TV Dinner meal collection will bring big rewards on e-bay. 
A friend of the family hints that you are a fool at at a Silver Wedding celebration. 
Genital warts blight your illicit sexual liaisons. 
A dog will look at you sideways soon.
The music of Adele lifts your spirits as it is a bootleg copy.


The Lady Leos:   
Taffeta is your fabric of choice this Easter. A bag of chocolate ants melts when you put them on the dashboard of the car. A finger of fudge is just enough, you find. A loved one regales you with inappropriate or illegal underwear. A new Damart catalogue plays a large part in your decision to have chicken for dinner. 
A close friend will ask you to hide some money; you are tempted to buy new trainers with it as she can't prove you have it. 
For the Leo worker a pay rise seems imminent, but first you must do something special for someone else after work. 
A Fox fur stole or Mink coat is left to you in a will.  Your Bisto Gravy vouchers might be worth sending in soon as the offer ends in August. 
A night out with the girls is a pleasant distraction from your yeast infection; but be careful of passing it on to a one night stand. 
A girlfriend uses your lipstick and gives you herpes. 
The music of Genesis boosts your love life.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Protein Man of Oxford Street- Stanley Owen Green.

I wrote this Obituary piece for The Guardian about Stanley Green while I was an undergraduate at Goldsmiths' College.  I contacted The Guardian and asked them if I could submit it for publication. It was sent off to them and I waited in eager anticipation for their reply. It was published on Wednesday January 26th 1994,   the Editor  made no changes or additions except by adding some photographs (the photographs used here are later additions by me): "A Consuming Passion.... Stanley Owen Green who has died aged aged 78, was that tall thin man with steel-rimmed glasses who marched it seemed for an eternity up and down London's Oxford Street. It was his banner that made him famous, held high above his head and proclaiming "LESS LUST FROM PROTEIN" in large white letters. Underneath the banner he endured the taunts of sticky schoolchildren and the spittle of office workers alike, to bring his unique, indeed puzzling message to the people of London. He later wate...
3 comments
Read more

The Roswell Returns

“That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.” As those words echoed around Mission Control in Houston a round of spontaneous applause broke out across the site and in the control room. There were yelps and hollers of triumph echoing around the whole of NASA that momentous day in July 1969. In the Command Module Michael Collins was monitoring the vital controls that kept it orbiting the Moon. He flipped the carbon dioxide uptake switch, looked at the battery charge meters, oxygen levels and closely watched the radar screen. He sat back in his flight chair and watched the instrumentation flick and whirr. He daren’t relax, he didn’t relax at all. He paid great attention to the radar screen as he was commanded to. He had to monitor it for spooks, intruders or ghosts. He knew he was looking for Foo Fighters. They did show up on radar, aircrews had confirmed that as fact. It was how fast they appeared and disappeared that threw most pilots. There had been warnings by the ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Matunga

It was 13:37 as Colonel Pervez drew up outside the main Matunga railway station. He steeled himself to run the gauntlet of journalists and curious onlookers that had gathered outside the station. As his staff car slowed he waved his hand at the armed Police guard that were stood outside the entrance to the station concourse. He commandingly gesticulated for them to come forward and protect him from the throng of people. They all moved as one brandished their bayonetted rifles, pushing aggressively against anyone who pushed back. A police sergeant quickly, smartly, stepped forward and opened the Colonel’s car door, as he did so he stood bolt upright and saluted the senior officer. Colonel Pervez manfully strode into the train station not quite prepared for what was to confront him that day. There was a river of abandoned luggage trolleys filling the station concourse, like an awkward log jam of mangled metal. They sat there holding hands like so many small scrap trains being marshalled...
Post a Comment
Read more