As our new found poverty creeps faster towards us it is taking us down with it; we both feel defeated, tearful and smaller, both in intellect and the power to do anything about the rapid slow creep. My wife admits as much to me.
The rest of this blog is how I feel.
Poverty takes away, diminishes, reduces, your clarity on life; the ability to see things for what they are rather than what you see them as.
I have lost my ability to be critical and feel that if I argue I question whether I would have the intellect to argue back. Nowdays I am not so sure that I will have.
I have lost my interest in anything that involves spending, purely because I know that the the money to do so is simply not there. I have become sniping and hypercritical of the new. For instance I laid into the new James Bond film, I don't like Bond as a franchise but I have been overly critical and sniping about those that have seen it. It is their prerogative to do so.
Every job application my wife makes is a mountain to climb for her, she is often applying for jobs way beneath her skill set or intellect and ability but she does it. Then every job rejection she receives chips away at her and our ability to survive this period in our lives.
Poverty chips away at your psyche at your very being, at the very heart of who you are and what you are becoming.
I used to cook and enjoyed doing it, even that has become a chore recently. I think it is a loss of interest that creeps in; it has become just food. I often cook something and lose complete interest in when it's served.
Poverty takes you down.
My friend on Twitter @neverfadingwood mentioned the other day that he wanted 'to have fun again'; that too has slipped. I admitted on the timeline that I couldn't remember the last time I had fun, I said to 25 to 30 years ago! I genuinely believe it was that long ago. Or is it that the depression of being impoverished has clouded that memory?
I feel overwhelmed by life. And life overwhelms me. Some of you will ask 'Why do you let it?' My answer is it's because I am too tired and defeated to fight back. Paradoxically I will fight back, it's in my nature to do so. That's why I became a volunteer at the CAB; but that fight has slowly leeched from me except for when I am cornered: Fight or Flight.
Every conversation now circles around 'affordability'; Can we buy that? This needs replacing: but with what money?
Being in poverty is like a Vulture circling above the carrion of what was and has been. Not what will be ever enters into the fray.
Benefits keep the Wolf from the door but it is demeaning to have to fight for every penny and being labelled as a scrounger for doing so.
Poverty takes you down.
The thought of being homeless or, at best, being put into rented accommodation leaves me cold. I spent my early life in rented housing with the threat of eviction hanging by a thread.
I spent my early life in a poor household. I never thought I would be returning to that.
My long term illness and the current financial situation in Britain and over the world have contributed to our poverty; As has the stubborn inability of the Nationwide to negotiate with us when we hit hard times. We once had savings. Once, not now.
Poverty drags you down.
We now live month to month, week to week and often day to day.
When the benefits don't come in you check the cupboards and the fridge for food. You hurriedly check your bank account to make sure that a Direct Debit doesn't have to be paid in case a charge is applied for non payment.
Things become so much verbal and visual pap.
My concentration has waned, I cannot read anything for too long as I drift. I know this is part of depression and also a part of being anxious about my, our, situation.
Poverty defeats you.
Poverty takes you down, not a notch or two but down to to the ground.
The rest of this blog is how I feel.
Poverty takes away, diminishes, reduces, your clarity on life; the ability to see things for what they are rather than what you see them as.
I have lost my ability to be critical and feel that if I argue I question whether I would have the intellect to argue back. Nowdays I am not so sure that I will have.
I have lost my interest in anything that involves spending, purely because I know that the the money to do so is simply not there. I have become sniping and hypercritical of the new. For instance I laid into the new James Bond film, I don't like Bond as a franchise but I have been overly critical and sniping about those that have seen it. It is their prerogative to do so.
Every job application my wife makes is a mountain to climb for her, she is often applying for jobs way beneath her skill set or intellect and ability but she does it. Then every job rejection she receives chips away at her and our ability to survive this period in our lives.
Poverty chips away at your psyche at your very being, at the very heart of who you are and what you are becoming.
I used to cook and enjoyed doing it, even that has become a chore recently. I think it is a loss of interest that creeps in; it has become just food. I often cook something and lose complete interest in when it's served.
Poverty takes you down.
My friend on Twitter @neverfadingwood mentioned the other day that he wanted 'to have fun again'; that too has slipped. I admitted on the timeline that I couldn't remember the last time I had fun, I said to 25 to 30 years ago! I genuinely believe it was that long ago. Or is it that the depression of being impoverished has clouded that memory?
I feel overwhelmed by life. And life overwhelms me. Some of you will ask 'Why do you let it?' My answer is it's because I am too tired and defeated to fight back. Paradoxically I will fight back, it's in my nature to do so. That's why I became a volunteer at the CAB; but that fight has slowly leeched from me except for when I am cornered: Fight or Flight.
Every conversation now circles around 'affordability'; Can we buy that? This needs replacing: but with what money?
Being in poverty is like a Vulture circling above the carrion of what was and has been. Not what will be ever enters into the fray.
Benefits keep the Wolf from the door but it is demeaning to have to fight for every penny and being labelled as a scrounger for doing so.
Poverty takes you down.
The thought of being homeless or, at best, being put into rented accommodation leaves me cold. I spent my early life in rented housing with the threat of eviction hanging by a thread.
I spent my early life in a poor household. I never thought I would be returning to that.
My long term illness and the current financial situation in Britain and over the world have contributed to our poverty; As has the stubborn inability of the Nationwide to negotiate with us when we hit hard times. We once had savings. Once, not now.
Poverty drags you down.
We now live month to month, week to week and often day to day.
When the benefits don't come in you check the cupboards and the fridge for food. You hurriedly check your bank account to make sure that a Direct Debit doesn't have to be paid in case a charge is applied for non payment.
Things become so much verbal and visual pap.
My concentration has waned, I cannot read anything for too long as I drift. I know this is part of depression and also a part of being anxious about my, our, situation.
Poverty defeats you.
Poverty takes you down, not a notch or two but down to to the ground.
I can completely understand your feelings here. Unfortunately this is happening to too many people and the safety nets just aren't there for people who live in their own accommodation. I sincerely hope things improve for you soon. I'm sure they will and you need to hang onto that thought. Hugs xx
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